My life

Well, I don't make a point to go out much and actually talk about things that happen in my life, and I've decided to just go ahead and put myself out there.  Those who care enough either ask, or will take the few extra minutes to check in on me as I express myself.
I guess I should start with the obvious, the "D" word, Deployment.  Let me just say, it's not anything like I expected, and as much as I thought I prepared myself for it, I wasn't as ready as I anticipated.  It sucks, and it sucks a lot.  I love the fact that I get to talk to Kenny as much as I do, but video chats are such a tease, it is torture to see my husband but know that he is miles away.  And then you have to add on to the fact that it is so hard for Caiden to understand, a two year old doesn't get the concept and I don't expect him to.  It breaks my heart to see my baby boy sad, he wants his daddy and he can't have him.  And then when you think about Khloe, and Kenny.  These kids absoultely break my heart during this.  Kenny is by far Caiden's best friend, and Khloe is going the first year of her life not knowing her daddy, and within that year Kenny is going to miss so much.  Nothing I could do could prepare me for the pain my children endure, the pain  my husband endures and the emotional burdens I face myself.  Mentally, I thought I was ready for this, emotionally I definitely wasn't.  I know how to "make do" in my situation, I take everything day by day, and I deal with the issues as they come, but it's hard to know when I lay down at night I will wake up again to the same thing, two babies, no husband, temper tantrums, bills, health issues, the list of things I face on a daily basis seems never ending.  No matter what, I remain strong, I have to be for my kids, for my husband, for my relationship, I over come each day a stronger person but it is still so hard.  What makes it worse not knowing many people in my situation, I have met more through my husbands company, but it's weird to know that in this situation the friends that I have always been able to count on, can't completely be there for me because they don't know and they don't understand.  Don't get me wrong, they come over, they help with the kids, they let me vent (which is great, God knows I need it sometimes), but they don't get me in my situation.  I am fortunate to have the good friends that I do, they step up where they can, they're helping us pay for Kenny's flight home for r&r, and I don't ever think I could really show them how thankful I am for that.   I guess that's all for now, Khloe is crying, it's time for mommy duties again.