An eventful week

So normally I bitch about how boring of a state Maryland is, this week it seems as if mother nature wanted to prove to me it's not always so boring. In the matter of a week we had an earthquake, the biggest one Maryland has seen, and the East Coast was hit by Hurricane Irene.

Now the earthquake freaked out a lot of people, even though it honestly wasn't a big earthquake, for Marylanders that was a huge deal. However, when the earthquake hit I was in my car and I just thought my car was idling high. Next thing I know my mom is calling and freaking out, cell phones end up not working, but of course Facebook still did. I think I've come to the conclusion that Facebook and survive the end of the world....Anyway, I had to go to the armory and make phone calls for emergency check-ins for the families of deployed soldiers, and I learned calling that many people is actually a lot of work.

And then two days ago we got to face Hurricane Irene, where I live it wasn't bad. Last I heard the death count was up to 25, and there are a lot of people without power, water; there are roads flooded, roads closed, downed trees and power lines.  Fortunately, my house still has power, even though none of my family does.

On another non-weather related note, Caiden got to video chat with his daddy last night. He has started this thing where he says that his daddy is the best, so while chatting with Kenny he looked at him and informed him that "Daddy best", he's such a cutie when he wants to be. And then of course he continued to ask for his daddy to come home, my poor baby just misses his daddy.  Hopefully daddy will be home sooner rather than later.

Survived another day

Well the past couple of days have been so back and forth, it's crazy.  I had a few rough days, but it seems that things have started to look up more within the past couple of days, thankfully.

I went to the doctors for a follow -up on the headaches that I have been having, and there has been no improvement with the medication I was put on.  So my doctor feels it is best for me to get an MRI and an MRA because aneurysms run in my family and she would rather be safe than sorry, so once Tri-Care approves my referral I have to schedule an appointment with a neurologist at John Hopkins.  Unfortunately, with Kenny being gone, it makes the situation that much more difficult.  I have to find someone to watch Caiden and Khloe while I go, and I'm very limited on choices. Basically if anyone in my family helps me, they have to take a day off of work to watch them, which will still leave me having to do all of this alone.  I mean, I'm not scared, I try not to worry about things until I know exactly what's going on, but I mean, really, that's not something someone should have to do alone.  But I guess that's what happens when you lose the support of people you thought would be there for you.  It's a shitty situation, but at least I know through this deployment who the few people are I can truly count on.

Then at the doctors I had to get an EKG, and do a breathing test. Their EKG machine messed up, so I'm not sure if I have to do that again.  And I had to get a lot of blood drawn for them to run, because of my family history being filled with health issues they want to test my blood for anything that they can as a precaution.

The past couple of days though I have been able to talk to Kenny a lot more, which picks up my moods.  I'd be a lot happier if my kids were on better sleep schedules, and I really think that the lack of sleep isn't helping my headaches either.  I've got hopefully 6ish months to go, and I pray it doesn't take them that long to cooperate with me.

The kids however are asleep early, so its time to walk the dog, do a little school work and try to relax some.

Killing Time

Today was eventful.  I spent the day with my niece, sister and my two babies and attempted to make tutus for the girls.  I've never done them before, the first one was a pain in the ass trying to get it done, but the second one was done a lot faster once I figured out the best way for me to do it.  I don't think they came out too bad especially for my first attempts. They want to wear them to Khloe's first birthday because her party will probably be a pretty & pirouette basis. Yes I know, my daughter is 5 months old and I am looking into stuff for her first birthday, but kiss my butt it gives me something to look forward to.

One awesome thing of today is I got a sneak peek of what Khloe's dress for Kenny coming home is going to look like, and I am so excited to get it. And for her to be able to wear it :)

Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment, lots of blood work to get done and possibly seeing if I need to get an MRI done...definitely not looking forward to that.

I'm still finding the motivation to get things done.  I need to really start back up on my school work, but with Caiden's horrible sleep schedule, by the time he's done for the day, I just want to sleep, and school work is the last thing on my mind. And I really need to clean, but I hate doing that no matter what.  I just don't know how to get my ass in gear and get Caiden back in check so that I can do what I need to do!  Any suggestions? Cause I'm at a total loss with it.

One of those days

Today started off great, I went to my sister's and was able to celebrate my niece's birthday, hard to believe she will be 11 yrs old tomorrow! Time flies....

I got to talk to my hubby for awhile, and we haven't been able to talk much over the past week, he's been busy and things are crazy at our house when he gets down time.  And that is what absolutely made my day. I hate not being able to talk to him, I know we can't control it, but it sucks.

I accomplished grocery shopping....lots, and lots of food.  And came home to temper tantrum children, which really makes it difficult when I need to put groceries away, do dishes, make dinner, and take the dog out.  It seems as if they both love to have their fits at the same time.  I got Caiden a soda at the store (Sierra Mist, lol) and let him have it when we got home.  I decided to let him drink it straight from the bottle, but he had to stay in the kitchen, and he didn't agree with that.  He started screaming and just wouldn't stop. Finally he did, I gave him back his drink, explained he had to stay in the kitchen, and right back into the temper tantrum he went.  He got mad when he couldn't go out back to walk the dog.

Khloe just has her random fits, but I usually attribute that to her acid re-flux acting up and bothering her.  There really isn't much I can do for her, and I feel bad, but it can be so exhausting and heart breaking.  I wish I could help her, the medications only do so much. Luckily she will be going back to Hopkins within the month for another follow up.

I think I'm honestly just exhausted. Since Kenny left Caiden's sleep schedule is so bad, he doesn't go to sleep until midnight-1 am, and then I am up late because I still have school work to do.  And Khloe wakes up early so I don't get much sleep and it takes its toll on me some days more than others.  I think today is one of those days.

And of course I come home and am having computer issues.  My computer for the past two days will only start up when it is plugged into the charger, it is under warranty, but it is such a hassle to go out with my two kids to try and get issues addressed.  I'm not a happy camper about that.  I need a functioning computer to be able to talk to my husband, and I take classes on line. I hope that it's just a bad battery but I have no clue, and with my luck it's probably something that will require my computer to be completely replaced.


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand now it's starting to storm, so I'm going to hop off of here in case I lose power, then I will really not be happy.

Oh, and be sure to check out my support page for deployments:
http://www.facebook.com/HomefrontSupport

I will survive

Kenny has been deployed for about 5 months now, and at times it is still hard to believe that we are going through this, it's weird to think of my family continuing on while he isn't around to see it, to be an active part of it.  I don't think that feeling will ever change, no matter how far we are in this deployment, no matter how many other deployments we face it will still just never feel right.  I know I can handle it, I know that it will eventually come to an end, but it's so hard to realize that today our daughter is 5 months old, and Kenny has only been able to see her for a month out of her life.  When he comes home, she will be a year old, or just about, and still, he will have missed 11 months of her life, and not be able to witness her growing up aside from what he sees on a computer.  It's really not fair to him,and its not fair to her.  Caiden is still confused about Kenny leaving, and I truly feel he is what makes this deployment the hardest.  Today Kenny and Caiden got to video chat, and Caiden just kept saying "Come home to me", he wants his daddy, and he can see his daddy, but he wants his daddy home.  I always explain to Caiden that daddy is at work.

I try to break the deployment down into weeks, or big events which seems to help the time pass, but it doesn't go fast enough.  I am just so ready for it to be over with, I am ready for my life to go on with my family. Im happy this deployment has done a lot for my marriage and shown me how strong our love is, it has shown me that I can conquer anything with my husband, but I still hate it, and wish it were over.

I'm not ready for a breakdown or anything like that, I'm just done with it. I don't like the fact that I will be having family events without a key member of my family being there.  Despite how crappy the deployment is, I try to focus on the positives and remind myself every day I am closer to having him back home. My two weeks with Kenny flew by, and its been just under two weeks since he left again and these days are taking forever! Bleh....roughly 7 months to go....let's get time moving please!

The obstacle of love

"Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle, rather a beautiful reminder of just how strong true love can be"

I think I've had more than enough of the distance, I have already proven how strong my relationship is, and I am just ready to have my husband home.  The time apart really makes me appreciate all of the little obnoxious things that Kenny would always do- the way he would tickle me, just to piss me off, him farting in the car (ok...I don't miss that), him joking with me and finding the humor in almost anything.  Hell, I find myself lately needing that sense of humor more than anything, he could ALWAYS help me find the positive, or make a bad situation seem better.   Today I was just thinking of him on leave, and the night before he had to go back I got sick.  I'm sitting there in the doctors office with a fever, feeling like total shit.  And what does my husband do? Grabs his camera and starts taking pictures of us.  He makes light of my fever and goes "I got it! You're hot for me!".  He is such a dork, he has the strangest sense of humor, and it's something I've come to appreciate the most.

Obviously I have come to more than appreciate how much he helps me with the house and with the kids, but it's all the things I don't think about that I miss the most.  I get to hear his sense of humor over the phone and on the computer, but I want it in person.  

I'm waiting for me to be back to feeling "normal", where I'm back to how it was a month ago.  I can handle doing it on my own, but I am still hating the feeling of being alone.  I mean, I never liked it, but I adjusted to it.  And now it's back to my house feeling empty, my bed being empty (even with Caiden hogging it), my house just feels so out of balance with Kenny being gone.  I don't think the balance will be restored for awhile.

Time Slipped Away

My husband's leave has come and gone; first deployment, first leave.  Let me tell you, it is so bittersweet.  There is no better feeling than knowing that my husband is home, and that once again my family is whole.  But then I have to face reality, it is only a matter of days before my son returns to asking where his dad is, before I am sleeping in a bed with the most important man in my life not next to me where he should be. It was just a matter of time before I would be getting up with Khloe in the middle of the night by myself.  The moment he came home, my world was complete, and in a moment my world would shatter again.

I am so happy I had the opportunity to see my husband, for him to see how much Khloe has grown in the 4 months he's been gone, and the joy on our son's face is worth the pain of another good-bye.  Those two weeks passed too quick. but they were the best two weeks of my life and I wouldn't trade them for the world.  We spent the time together with just our little family, we went camping with his family, we went and spent time with my family. We managed to do a lot during those 2 weeks, and to me the leave was perfect, minus me getting sick.

The wait for him to arrive took forever, I was so anxious to just see him.  We honestly didn't wait that long, but to me it was hell.  I'm so glad that we were able to record Caiden seeing Kenny for the first time...he was just so happy and it seemed so surreal to him.  He couldn't believe that Daddy was really holding him. He was touching his face, and poking him, as if he was wondering "Is it really you?".  And we had so much family there to welcome him home.

The good-bye was quick, it was painful, and the hardest thing to do is watch my husband walk away and not run after him and bring him home where he belongs.

4 months down.....8ish to go.....I didn't want July to ever end, now I just want this year to be over!