Distance

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."

It's amazing how much truth you can find behind a simple quote.  "Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold", a deployment is not something every person, or every relationship can endure.  Some spouses find it apporpriate to cheat, lie, some can't handle the time apart, the loneliness.  In order to survive a deployment, you have to remain strong, your relationship, your feelings, all have to remain strong.  It's not easy to do when there are so many miles apart, but a deployment is the true test of a relationship.  It's when you have to put the most effort into making a relationship work, with someone you see so little.  I have faith in myself, and my relationship, and I know that this is something myself, my husband, and our children can survive.  No, it isn't easy, it never is, but it's the life we have. 

I miss my husband every day, so do our children,  but I can lay my head down at night knowing that I am proud of my husband, and I wake up having pride in myself.  I know not every woman can handle the situation I am in, I try to make my best out of a unpleasant (to say the least) situation.  When I get stressed out thinking of how much I have on my plate, that's when I take the time to think of everything my husband is missing, the sacrifices he is making for our family.  And that is how I keep our relationship strong, I don't pity myself, I learn to appreciate my situation. 

I know that in 10 months or so from now, when my husband comes home, we won't have the same relationship we did before his deployment, we will have a much stronger bond with one another, a deeper appreciation for one another, and more patience.  I have not, and never will fear this deployment, instead I will continue to use it to my advantage.

"It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love."

I have learned the time together is bittersweet.  We were fortunate to see my husband one more time before he deployed, for four days.  I loaded up the kids and drove the long distance to see him, and I wouldn't have traded that time for the world.  I loved the chance to see him again, for him to see our children, but I knew our time was limited. Still I couldn't let the thought of another good-bye being a few days away ruin my time with him, I took advantage of it, and I savored every moment, just as I will when he comes home for r&r.  The way I see it, every second matters when we are reunited with him, I can't afford to spend a second worrying about the negatives and the future good-bye, I had to focus on the present.  Those 4 days went by too fast, but in the two months he has been gone, those were the best 4 days of my life.

"It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."

I don't need to see my husband everyday to know that he is the one for me, the way I feel when we video chat, when we just chat on the computer, the random e-mails and letters prove to me that he is the one and only for me.  Now of course I would love nothing more than to see him everyday, or more than just a few weeks out of a year, but the time apart does not and never will question my love for him.  I am blessed to have a wonderful husband, who is the biggest kid I know, my best friend, my support system, the father to my children. He knows how to remain a husband, how to make me feel special and how to be there for our children despite the distance between us.  I loved him before this deployment, I will love him through it, and I will continue to love him after it.