Σ 'αγαπώ

It has been 2 1/2 months since my Yaya passed.  I still think about her all the time, and losing her still weighs very heavy on my heart.  I drive past her house and see road work, and I laugh to myself, thinking of how crazy she would be going seeing the roads in front of her house being tore up.  I look back at pictures of her, and see her bright smile; I don't think I've ever seen one without her looking radiant.  Even looking through my wedding photos, my Yaya was losing her memory, and she wasn't sure who I was, yet I have this wonderful picture of myself and my Yaya, and there is nothing but pure joy on her face.  The same woman standing beside me in the photo looks so happy, so proud, yet an hour before she walked into a wedding of people she didn't even know.  


I truly believe that she was someone that can never be replaced.  She was the keeper of the goodie closet, the woman who forced you to eat, no matter how full you were..hell, if you told her you were allergic to nuts she would still hand you baklava.  She was the woman who you would never hear yell, until someone crossed her family.  She was a wife absolutely devoted to her husband, a mother devoted to her children, and an Yaya who adored all her grandkids.


I have so many wonderful years of memories of her, and even when she began to lose her memory, I was able to at least have some funny stories.  


I came across this quote- "May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand"

I can't believe how fitting that is for her. She was at peace despite the daily confusion, I can't even imagine how she felt on a daily basis, where family were strangers to her, yet she was still always Yaya.  My mom told me one of her last memories of my Yaya is her giving my mom kisses, a non-stop love and admiration to my mom.  A loving mother, wife, and Yaya to the end.  

I am rambling it seems, but I am still all over the place when I think about her.  For years we knew that the Alzheimer's would take her, before she passed we knew to expect it, but it is nothing I could ever prepare myself for.  The night my Yaya passed I left work early, I wanted to go see her, not knowing if I would be able to see her again.  I decided that I couldn't handle saying good bye, and I didn't go.  I ended up on my way to the hospital that night, and was never able to say good bye.  Though I have so many wonderful memories of her, the last time I saw her alive, will always break my heart, and knowing that I bailed out on my last chance to see her...I can't even begin to explain how that feels.  

To my Yaya, Σ 'αγαπώ. I love you.