I will survive

Kenny has been deployed for about 5 months now, and at times it is still hard to believe that we are going through this, it's weird to think of my family continuing on while he isn't around to see it, to be an active part of it.  I don't think that feeling will ever change, no matter how far we are in this deployment, no matter how many other deployments we face it will still just never feel right.  I know I can handle it, I know that it will eventually come to an end, but it's so hard to realize that today our daughter is 5 months old, and Kenny has only been able to see her for a month out of her life.  When he comes home, she will be a year old, or just about, and still, he will have missed 11 months of her life, and not be able to witness her growing up aside from what he sees on a computer.  It's really not fair to him,and its not fair to her.  Caiden is still confused about Kenny leaving, and I truly feel he is what makes this deployment the hardest.  Today Kenny and Caiden got to video chat, and Caiden just kept saying "Come home to me", he wants his daddy, and he can see his daddy, but he wants his daddy home.  I always explain to Caiden that daddy is at work.

I try to break the deployment down into weeks, or big events which seems to help the time pass, but it doesn't go fast enough.  I am just so ready for it to be over with, I am ready for my life to go on with my family. Im happy this deployment has done a lot for my marriage and shown me how strong our love is, it has shown me that I can conquer anything with my husband, but I still hate it, and wish it were over.

I'm not ready for a breakdown or anything like that, I'm just done with it. I don't like the fact that I will be having family events without a key member of my family being there.  Despite how crappy the deployment is, I try to focus on the positives and remind myself every day I am closer to having him back home. My two weeks with Kenny flew by, and its been just under two weeks since he left again and these days are taking forever! Bleh....roughly 7 months to go....let's get time moving please!